Well, here goes. I have been told for years I needed to write a book, maybe this is my attempt to start it. I honestly have no idea what I will accomplish here, aside from being able to let some things out of my head. I do believe that my purpose has been more defined lately, so maybe I'm deciding to strike while the iron's hot.
I apologize in advance for any rambling, and there may be some subject matter discussed here that a lot do not know about me. But, I cannot hide from who I was, who I am, and who I may become any longer. Hence the title. Being as observant and quiet as I have been my entire life has had its rewards, as well as its drawbacks. I have learned to pay attention to what DOESN'T happen, and act accordingly. To see things unfold, and react or run. Thirty five years in my shoes have created someone too damn smart for their own good.
As a person who already had the deck stacked against him at an early age, this at the least is what things look like when the whole thing comes down finally, when you're forced to dig for air, when at that very last second, death does not seem like the best option anymore. My life has been a sad one, when I tell people they usually cry, men and women alike. And, I have become astonished at how easily it all rolls off my tongue. Then afterwards, the events make me cringe when the lights go out and I'm left with the memories.
This is by no means a victorious proclamation. I still struggle, still wrestle with my demons. They have changed faces over the years, and they learn what does not work and come back again disguised as something or someone else.
So, I am going to write this as if no one is listening, as approval from others is one of my biggest defects of character. If I offend you at any point, stop reading. This is the truth as I know it, life through the eyes of someone who has spent years only trying to Look Alive.....
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